Lost

Glowing
Originally uploaded by Big Sister.

Until the moment the music started, I didn’t think I would get emotional seeing Sleater-Kinney for the last time. I mean really, I am certainly too old to be distraught over the demise of a band. And I wasn’t so much distraught as resigned and saddened and teary. It has been hard to parse out why. Lately my rabid love has been reserved for television, something that I can keep an ironic distance from. Sure, I l-o-v-e Veronica Mars and Buffy and Bill Haverchuck, but it is TV. And let’s face it, TV is a fling and, in the end, music is commitment.

I hadn’t planned on loving, or even liking, Sleater-Kinney. I dismissed them as critical darlings. Do you remember when Call the Doctor came out? It was like women had never picked up the guitar or drumsticks until that moment. Dig Me Out cause an even bigger stir. I can’t even remember why I bought Call the Doctor, but I had to special order it. I listened to it once or twice and set it aside.

Then I went through a rough time, really rough. It was the winter of 1997 and I went away by myself to the snow. It was then that I heard something in every one of those songs: vulnerability and power. Certainly at that time those emotions, states of being were paramount to my life. But I have found that vulnerability and power make up a recurrent dichotomy in my life. Those songs and all the songs since have shown me that I am not alone on this path in this world. There are so many songs that I have felt deeply for reasons both personal (Good Things, Little Babies, Living in Exile) and political (#1 Must Have, Combat Rock).

So when I heard, the opening lines from Start Together:

If you want me it’s changing
If you want everything’s changing
If you want the sky would open up
If you want your eyes could open up

I choked up, these women and their music, in appealing to the girl in me, had helped me in the development of the woman I am. Who will be there for me? How could they leave me like this? Then I reflected on the changes in my life since the start of S-K, a long-term relationship, a new career, new friends (and old ones), new hobbies, and lots of new television shows. I had hoped that as my life changed and moved along that they would move along with me. But, honestly, do I want them to be the female Rolling Stones?

I am a terrible music reviewer. I can’t tell you anything about how it sounded or if the venue was good. I can tell you that it was meaningful to me. I can tell you that seeing S-K perform live is like nothing else. They all work beautifully together. The way that Corin and Carrie sing together is so natural that it almost like someone is playing them as an instrument. I can tell you that the final encore brought together three of my favorite songs (Little Babies, I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone, and Turn It On), but my most heartfelt moment was sung by Carrie in Modern Girl, perhaps my true and final Sleater-Kinney anthem:

My baby loves me
I’m so happy
Happiness makes me
A modern girl
I took my money
And bought a TV
TV brings me
Closer to the world

My whole life
Is like a picture
Of a sunny day

My whole life
Looks like a picture
Of a sunny day

My baby loves me
I’m so hungry
Hunger makes me
A modern girl
I took my money
And bought a donut
The hole’s the size of
The entire world

My whole life . . .

My baby loves me
I’m so angry
Anger makes me
A modern girl
I took my money
I couldn’t buy nothin’
I’m sick of this
Brave new world

My whole life . . .

Thank you, Sleater-Kinney. You are the queens of rock and roll.

Comments

[Gina]

I am often teary and choked up at concerts. When I saw Sinead O'Connor for the first time...she opened that mouth of hers and that roar came out... Most recently, I was very moved when I saw Sarah McLaughlin. I think it has something to do with honoring the talent of these people, their contribution to your life (musically), and power of standing on a stage and delivering the thing you love to do to a crowd. How many of us love the work we do so passionately?

[Alexa]

I too am sad about the demise of Sleater-Kinney. They also changed my life while I was going through a rough period. Though I might have only seen them once, it was absolutely unforgettable. You're lucky to have gone to that show, so cherish that.

[alison]

You're so lucky you had the chance to see them again. I totally understand your emotional reaction. I first saw them play in Vancouver in about 1997, and they rocked my socks off. Very sad to know I won't see them again, but hopefully they'll each keep making music, and fortunately they left us with quite a lot.

[Laurel]

beautiful tribute

[Bonnie]

Lovely writing. I think we sometimes forget just how much music touches our lives. Not quite the same thing but The Pixies really take me back to specific times in my life. **Sigh**

[pam]

Oh! Yes! I went to 3 shows on this tour, and cried at every one.